Random Thoughts

taking a break from work at 1 AM.  random thoughts of me-

1. old TV shows rock. i mean like old shows.  Happy Days, Growing Pains… older-newer shows rock too… like Boy Meets World, Full House… and then i miss the old shows with the Olsen twins like So Little Time and what not.  I’m taking a “Viewing America” history class where I have to watch 1 assigned movie every week (and then do a butt load of reading) and that got me into an appreciation of older-America.  Some of our films are black and white.

2. my face hurts like i got a really bad sunburn and somebody whipped a towel across it.  i made a trip to the dermatologist for my acne about a week ago and she gave me 2 medications and a face wash… and then told me my face was going to itch, burn, peel for the first few weeks.  she wasn’t kidding. this better be worth it.  all who were blessed with nice skin, be thankful.  one dermatologist told me it was genetics and i couldn’t do anything about it. my newer one told me that my face just produces insane amounts of oil.  the upside to it is that my skin supposedly ages more slowly but down side i guess is the acne and the oil blotting sheets i have to use daily (until my oil production decreases when i’m prob in 30s). ok this prob. sounded gross but i had to let it out.

3. i told one of my history professor’s that i’m going to send him a draft of my paper before it’s due so he can give feedback (he offered to the class first).  i wrote one draft, was unsure if i answered the prompt correctly so i just wrote another draft.  now i realize i like both my drafts.  i’m thinking about e-mailing him both drafts and telling him to pick the one he wants me to work with.  i feel bad for making him read 2 papers (albeit 750 words max).  would it be cheating? i’ve talked to him a few times and he knows me but i hope he doesn’t judge me through this.  i should just pick 1 paper to send… ok i’m beginning to sound like a total nerd. but good grades don’t come easy…

4. the fall season confuses me on my wardrobe. it’s not summer… but it’s not winter. the mornings begin cold and then it warms up.   i sometimes wish i lived somewhere with constant temperature. this comes along with my slight dislike for the fall season. it makes me feel lonely (not a booty call) and it’s usually so gloomy outside. summer all the way.

5. a lot of people make assumptions about me based on my lifestyle.  i eat a lot and run a lot. people think i’m super healthy or something. i wish it were true. i get sick like 3-5 times a year.  in fact, i am sick right now. it’s prob. bad to take meds but meds rock.

that is all.

Tolerance/Intolerance

More often than not people become accepting of sin and begin calling it open-mindedness or tolerance.

When it comes to social issues, even some “Bible-believing” Christians, tend to be “open-minded” and try to allow society to define their beliefs.  I’ve also encountered some Christians in the past who claim to believe everything in the Bible but they don’t feel it’s right to enforce their “beliefs” on others.   I don’t think Christianity is just about believing but more-so knowing. Knowing that the Bible is the true spoken word of God.  Knowing that the words God gave us is indeed for our own good.  What parent would give their children guidance that would harm them?  And if you know and accept the Bible for what it really is, how can you/how dare you mix in your own societal reinforcements with the Holy Word?  And if you know God’s word is legit then how can you support anything else and expect God to be ok with it & still expect all His blessings?  I think picking and choosing what to believe in the Bible and then mixing in some of your own thoughts is molding Christianity to fit your life instead of having Christianity transform your life.  It’s not trusting that God’s got it all together.  And I can guarantee that taking parts of the Bible out and putting in wordly things is going to make the entire “Bible” not make any sense. It’s just going to be a whole lotta contradictions.

I think a lot of this stems from people fearing rejection from society.  As the world is becoming more and more liberal (sorry, for a lack of a better word) these days, it’s almost like the more “Christian” you are, the more people will fail to understand you.  But you shouldn’t expect anything else because the Bible even says to be in the world but not of the world. John 15:19 all makes sense, “If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”

Anddd it brings me to this point- when it comes to the Truth what you believe doesn’t matter.  The only thing that matters is the Truth.  and there is only one Truth.  That is why it is called the “Truth.”  I remember in high school I passed by this poster every day after xc practice that had this quote on it- “there are three truths- my truth, your truth, the truth.”  I think it’s one of the most untrue (ridiculous) quotes in the world.  there can’t be 3 truths. there’s only 1. and regardless of what you believe, the truth is the truth.

True open-mindedness/tolerance isn’t being accepting of the sin, but loving the sinner.  When it comes to sin, we’re all the same.

This is my closing post from my summer in NYC.  It was my 2nd summer here, but I feel like I got different things out of it this time.  During my time in here, I feel like I became more aware while having a good chance to reflect upon the topic of tolerance while being surrounded by a gajillion people.  and it always always always winds down to love (which I would be the first to admit that i’m lacking so much of).  I became aware how innerly for the 7,000,000+ people in this city, it’s almost always about “me.”  I became aware of how it is such a big struggle for Christians to live in this city.   I became aware of the lack of love.  Please keep this city in your prayers & also for the Christians in this city.  It’s in the darkness the light shines brightest.

Beauty in the Journey

People at GCF Spring Retreat- this is what i shared during testimony time so i shall spare you guys from reading this post. lawl. Just blogging it b/c i’m assuming that a lot of people are going to ask me about what happened w/ comm school.

——————-

This is a question i’m going to get asked a lot in the upcoming weeks.

“Gloria did you get into Comm (McIntire School of Commerce [business]) school?!”

I’m not embarassed about the plans that God has for me in my life so i say this with no embarassment-

NOPE i did not get in!

I woke up on Friday, checked my e-mail, and found out i got rejected from comm school. I felt initial disappointment sinking in but surprisingly i didn’t let my feelings sink in any deeper.  I wasn’t going to let the enemy feed me lies like “i’m not worth anything.” “my life is going nowhere now.” “there’s no hope for me in school.” “i’m useless.” I didn’t want to let Satan have an entrance to give me those kinds of thoughts. So i didn’t let me thinking go any further and proceeded my morning routine… washing up, getting dressed, and eating oatmeal.

I was walking to class and decided to at least let my mom know what’s up.  I called her and told her. She told me not to worry b/c God has other plans for my life and asked if i was alright. i said i was. we got off the phone. as i was walking to class (20 min walk) this song just popped into my mind “So close I believe… You’re holding me now in your hands… You’ll never let me go.” i almost cried.  I remember hearing “when God feels the most distant, He’s actually working the most in your life.” and I thought “God is doing amazing things in my life right now and He’s never letting me go.”  Though some things may not be clearly visible, I am certain that God is working.

After classes i ran and then went to the gym. while on a machine, i watched the news. there was some news about Harvard. Automatically I couldn’t help but think about how prestigious Harvard is. “oh wow Harvard. i wish i went to Harvard. Then i could be like… #1″ God then stopped my thinking. He was like “What prestige do you need when you have me?” GOD IS THE GREATEST. “THE GREATEST” ACCEPTS ME AS HIS OWN. i need nothing more. nothing exceeds the greatness of God. McIntire School of Commerce- you just got owned.

The same day, I left for GCF Spring Retreat. I went not knowing what to expect.  But i remember that night during prayer time I remember praying “God, thank You for my rejection into comm school.” I realized- if I thought that comm school would bring me so much joy&happiness but it didn’t work out, how much greater will my joy & happiness be when God carries out His plans that He has for me in my life?! Me getting upset over comm school rejection is foolish!! It would be like insulting God’s plans for my life by saying that mine are better. arrogance no?

We sang “I Offer You my Life” and this verse slapped me across the face “Lord I offer my life to You, and everything I’ve been through use it for your glory...” EVERYTHING i’ve been through is already according to God’s plan.  Even in my pain, sadness, and sorrow- praise the Lord! If whatever i went through/going through is going to be a testimony to His glory and grace, it’s more than worth it!  Our chief mean is to glorify God.

God has greater plans for my life than I can ever imagine. i’m excited. the plan that God has for my life will bring me more joy than the plan that I had for myself in comm school. I realized that just because I didn’t get into comm school it doesn’t mean i’m dumber than others. It simply doesn’t comply with God’s plan for my life.

Once i found out that i didn’t get in i felt all this pride i had built up in my heart break down… that pride has been burdensome on me and kept me from doing a lot of things. i felt so free and so light. God you are so amazing. (not saying i’m pride free, but a certain pride i was struggling with felt like it was broken down/lifted).

The God in the mountains is the same God in the valleys.

God is forever good!! Light of the world, forever reign.

Just Come to the Fountain

I have come to notice how broken the world is, how much hurt there is, how much sorrow there is, how much suffering there is. And how each of us as individuals harbor what i just mentioned in the world-scope.  The more I realize this, the more I become thankful for God’s more than open invitation to come to Him.

I am broken, dirty, sinful… but found whole in the blood of Jesus Christ.  This winter break I feel like God has shown me what i really struggle with and what contributes to my brokeness.  And i feel like God has stretched me almost thin to the point of transparency to help me fix what i struggle with (and not going to lie, still struggling but i’m trying… i’m trying).  I wont go into too much detail of what’s behind, but what i got out of everything is this- just love.  As i keep love in mind, the more and more i become in love with God’s beauty and the more and more I realize that you can’t not have love and still be a Christian. you’re going to feel like something is pulling both your arms in opposite directions and eventually you’ll tear. Without love you can’t exemplify Christ and you can’t reflect Christ… because God is love. and what was shown on the Cross… that is the most purest form of love.

To be blunt (and possibly even go a bit off topic)- this break i felt a lack of peace. BUT wait- let me correct myself. in the worldly sense, i felt no peace.  if you look at it from the worldly sense, i should have felt no peace.  but what’s crazy is how in the end, God provided peace spiritually… and when you feel like spiritually, all that worldly stuff goes to the dumpster. so i lied. this break i discovered peace… it just took a lot more to seek it out.  In my restlessness, i began to read my Bible and that immediate relief of everything… that feeling of being overcome by love… KNOWING that God has everything in His hands and cares for your life more than you do… that put all else to shame.  God’s invitation to come to the fountain… to drink from the stream of life… he’s forreal about it.

As we all go back to school we will each have our own struggles. we will each have our own cross to carry.  We will face trials and temptations.  The enemy will try to attack.  It’s a battlefield. We’re all weak.  But I pray that we all just… seek God… go to the fountain… and find strength in Him.

Come Lord Jesus Come.

Head of Your Life

Currently I am sitting at my most favorite place in all of Manhattan.  The grass  patch  at the Lincoln Center, right next to Juilliard.  The weather is perfect w/  absolutely no  humidity.  The breeze is so nice.  I’ve had  the craziest week at work, working hrs upon hrs overtime, and this is the perfect  break.

In this post, I’m going to talk about the orchestra.  I thought of all the connections      people tried to make between an orchestra and a person’s/peoples life/lives.  The most common thing I’ve heard is something like this:

“ in an orchestra everyone has different parts (simply put, disregarding sections) but when it’s all played together it is beautiful.”

The statement isn’t false, disregarding some technical factors (listening to others, actually playing your part correctly, etc…,) but right now I would like to not concentrate on the orchestra itself.  People tend focus too much on the instrumentalists and forget the main person mediating it all- the conductor.

In this post I am going to speak about the conductor, his relation to the orchestra and the “big picture,” and bring life into it.

I still struggle putting it into words.  “What is the conductors role in the orchestra?”  You could answer it simply.  “The conductors role is to well… conduct the orchestra.” I believe the explanation goes deeper than that.  But for now, we’re going to keep it as “the conductor conducts the orchestra. He leads it.”

There are some pretty well known names out there- Seiji Ozawa, Kurt Masur, John Williams- are a few.  What I’m trying to get at is- who conducts the orchestra matters.  And the sound of the orchestra differs with the conductor (… that’s why there are good ones and not-so-good ones).   With the flick of an arm movement, or the slow wave of his arm during a sweet lull,  the sound of the orchestra changes.  But this is all under one condition- that the orchestra is actually paying attention to the conductor. If the orchestra isn’t paying attention to the conductor, regardless of how skilled the conductor is, the orchestra’s sound isn’t going to be affected by his presence.

I had this experience in high school in our symphonic orchestra.  Fraser was as usual, conducting… but no one was paying attention.  He got pretty pissed and slapped his baton down, “GUYS PAY ATTENTION TO ME. LOOK AT ME. DARNIT GUYS.”

The flick of a conductors arm, the flowing movements of his arms, the energy into a baton- that all means nothing if the orchestra isn’t paying attention. If the orchestra is in tune with him, they will produce a pretty well versed out piece of music.  The orchestra in such is a marionette with a soul, with the conductor as its puppetteer.

The same I see with life.  Who conducts your life matters.  And in life, there is such thing as a good conductor and bad conductor.  Who is conducting your life?  Is it God?  Is it money?  Is it materialistic goods?  Is it social status?

It also matters how “in-tune” you are with The Conductor (to those who didn’t get it, I’m meaning God).  Are you in tune with Him or out of tune with Him?  Being out of tune with Him is like the orchestra experience I mentioned. There is this great  Conductor out there, trying to produce the best sound out of your life, trying to lead “your music” into the right direction, knowing where to flick his arm or make His arm flow.  During many times, I think we tend to zone out, and sometimes unconsciously change the conductor of our individual orchestra’s to something else.  When we do that, it doesn’t surprise me that our lives turn into some mumble jumble of an orchestral piece.  And the conductor is thinking what my orchestra director thought, “GUYS PAY ATTENTION.”

I want God to be the total and full lifetime tenure Conductor of my life.  I encourage you to do the same.  There’s no one saying your life is going to be easier or that “all hardships are going to be taken away.”  It might as well be the exact opposite.  But there is still more joy in this Conductor than the other conductors out there. This One divinely wrote eternal life into your orchestral piece, and it is guaranteed.  your song will never end. The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ was planned before your song began playing.  So regardless of how I see my song going, even if I zone out with the Conductor for a second, I have eternal joy in my heart,  I have an eternal joy to return to- the eternal joy of salvation.

Who conducts your life?  Is he the best?

quick words, heavy truth

This is completely random. and short. but it has a lot of truth to it and i’ve been thinking about it a lot.

A few weeks ago, i had dinner/virgin drinks with family members, one of them being this guy named Dennis.

He’s basically one of those insane people.  Went to TJ, then UPenn, and now he works on Wall Street at Deutsche Bank (cool part is, he’s the most “i’m not a big deal at all” person ever).  I had a few convos with him. This one stuck out to me the most in particular.

Noticing that he’s doing banking stuff,  I asked if he went to Wharton.  And he said no.  We got into talking about Wharton, McIntire, Mendoza and the whole mess.  And before I could get too into talking about their prestige, he put it out there and said this. “Gloria, schools like Wharton… all they really do is give you the confidence that you are going to succeed. that’s all you really need.” I instantly just shut up (how often does that happen) and said ” . that is very true.” (silence… he proceeds talking).

think it. believe it. do it.

Fascinating.

hung out with/heard of/saw a bunch of different friends this long weekend.

One summer, different journeys.

i have a friend who is only going to be a 2nd year who is already finishing up 1 of his majors this upcoming semester.  My favorite pianist, the same age as me, finished up a series of chamber concerts and is preparing for his 1st studio album next week (looking forward to it dude. maybe i’ll see you around the lincoln center).  One of my closest friends from UVA, also the same age as me, is interning at the NIH (National Institute of Health… the to go to top tier place for anything really medical).  I went to church and found out that a friend, also UVA & same age, is going on a back packing trip to Europe for 3 weeks, to a handful of different countries, all by himself.  I have friends going to all these different places for missions work (always in my prayers,  know that you’re backed by prayers and go into the mission field confidently).  I have friends who are involved in research at a university.  As for me, I’m in NY, interning with a company I intensely admire, learning things unimaginable.

One life, so many different roads. different plans… with each life playing a role in God’s Kingdom. fascinating.

Be thankful for what’s being served on your plate. you’re one part of a giant majestic masterpiece of a puzzle.

Compromise?

so i’ve been here for about a month now and lets just say that i can’t disprove one of my friends who told me that you do a lot of growing/thinking when you’re by yourself.  And my friends, college= by yourself, but this NY by yourself thing is taking everything college to a new degree (no pun intended… does that saying work here? i’ve always wanted to use it).  At school you have your friends, roommates, fellowship brothers and sisters who are just plain there for you. but have you been out by yourself, one face out of 1,600,000+ people? No one to ask you about your life, no one to ask you to chill, no one to necessarily vent to?  To put things in the simplest of terms, this is where you learn.

Have you ever learned things about yourself that you didn’t like? I don’t mind learning about myself, but it does bother me when I learn things about myself that I don’t like.  I won’t get too into it (if u happen to be interested just ask me personally), but living a “corporate American worker life” in NY has given me a glimpse of what my life might be like when I am older.  No, not in terms of “wake up, work, work-out, eat, sleep, repeat” but more like in terms of how i treat work, how i view work, what work is to me, etc.  and more often than not, i turn into a work-aholic. More and more i’m realizing that how i treat my work life will also affect my family life. My biggest scare is that I will mis-manage the balance between work and family.  More and more i’m seeing that life isn’t black and white, and that in life, there has to be compromise.  the best most tangible thing we could do for ourselves right now it seems, is to just give everything our best and trust/allow God to implement the plans he has for our lives.  Anything beyond that will just confuse us. Trying to take matters into our own hands will just confuse us, and ultimately probably just ruin us.

abrupt topic switchover- so NY life… many people have been asking about it. haha

i think NY life is exaggerated and glamorized a lot. mainly by media. glitz, glam, fashion. no not really. have you ever thought of the homeless people in the streets? some of them don’t even ask for money anymore, they just lay there. or the old people in subway stations playing old instruments with the case open? did you know that a 6 digit income in NY only = middle class, mayyyybe upper middle class life? glitz, glam, fashion is only what u see on gossip girl, or on the E! Channel when u hear about the Hilton’s or the Trump’s. haha. out of NY i only got maybe, fashion and that’s only b/c i work at a fashion label.  After 1 week, the city just gets loud, nasty-smelling, expensive, and hot & crowded with too many people.  If i do end up working in NY, i’m prob. going to live outside of the city… maybe Westchester or Long Island.  I need to be able to get a piece of my mind. ahaha.

another abrupt topic switchover- EXCITED ABOUUUUUT

… I GO HOME ON THURSDAY!!! well only until Monday for 4th of July weekend! so excited. family, fresh air, grass, driving my car, friends, neighborhood runs… SO. EXCITEDDDD… i leave 8:30 pm on Thurs. so i should be there by 12 am  Here’s a list of things I really want to do…

1. visit UVA?… i actually do miss it.

2. stars. i miss seeing stars. i wanna go stargazing.

3. do both? go to UVA and then at night go to Skyline to look at stars?… that would mean the world to me. anyone wanna?

4. Fairfax Corner and do a Potbelly’s & movie

5. find something fun for 4th of july

6. eat ice cream with friends

7. finish my Snoopy jigsaw puzzle

SUBURBS HERE I COMMMME!

Adaptation

So it’s been about 3-4 days since i’ve been in the city.  and yes, haha expectedly it’s quite different here.  People are always hustling and bustling.  i don’t think i’ve really seen busy until i got here… okay wait nova traffic is pretty bad. haha.  The people here are generally all pretty pre-occupied.  And everyone walks with some sort of purpose.

bunch of random brief thoughts:

- i think most of the people in my building at asian.  i also think most of them go to Juilliard. i wonder how many of them are famous. if any of them are, i’m sorry i never recognized them. i was basically “oh hey another kid with a violin.” HAHA fail… there is this one kid i really really want to see though.

- everything is so convenient here. things are literally around the corner.

- i miss grass. haha.

- everyone in NOVA. please enjoy the size of your homes.

- i got used to the subway. but honestly… sometimes i get really excited just b/c i love swiping my card.

- i feel like i live in one huge shopping center (my summary of manhattan). but i have not bought anything that wasn’t a need yet .

So far i’ve explored various parts of NY (yes, by myself… for a good laugh) in broad daylight.  I had a chance to go for a run in Central Park and ran by the reservoir like the movies! haha it was cool.  Then scaled parts of 5th avenue.  I went to check out the Polo Corporate Headquarters on Madison on monday with one of the designers and that was the most insane office i’ve ever seen. i don’t even know if you can call it an office.  it looked like the inside of a gigantic mansion. emerald green carpet with like golden carpet holders (? don’t even know what it’s called) on the stairs,  dark green plaid walls, HUGE wooden, nicely carved doors, bunch of real paintings, a bunch of modelly antiquey pics… a lot of horses.  A lot of dark wood. It was the craziest interior i’ve ever seen.  literally a mansion with the most classic american luxurious touch.  BUTTTTT too bad we soon found out that i was stationed at another department. hahah. my building has pictures of many many cute kid/baby models.  it’s a… cute environment. haha.

Today was my first day of work.  I remember these two things my dad instructed me to do.  1.  always be humble. and 2. do everything with truth and produce  fruitful results with integrity. I was reminded that the focus needs to lead to the Cross and doing everything for the glory of God.  None of this happened out of my own strength, but it is God who has truly orchestrated and provided everything. It’s His grace.  When I entered the office it was exciting meeting new people but slightly scary at the same time.  I was given tasks that I really couldn’t screw up in or well, basically, a lot of money gets tossed and thrown around. haha.  It’s different b/c in school when something goes wrong you’re only really affecting yourself (simply speaking) but here you’re affecting everyone and it becomes like some domino effect… getting a slight taste of the real world.  But always trying my best to remind myself that this is for God’s glory… and I shouldn’t work hard to glorify myself but to glorify God.

Before coming here I was actually pretty sad. Like i just got home and i had to leave again.  It feels like after college, i’m never going to be home. itinerant gloria. haha.  After college began, i feel like things are constantly changing and i’m constantly adapting to new environments. I questioned myself if this internship was really the right move, and the right thing to do. For some time I longed for some type of consistency in my life but then I realized that i do have a consistency in my life.  God is consistent. He was, is, and will be.  And that brought me so much peace.  What more can I ask for?  God’s here, what have I got to fear (yessss, it rhymed).  haha.  But seriously, praise the Lord on everything.  You wouldn’t be possible without Him.  I wouldn’t be possible without Him.  Nothing would be possible without him.  I went to Redeemer Presbyterian Church last Sunday (Tim Keller) and the peace I felt while just sitting there, praying was amazing.  It wasn’t even 24 hrs since i’ve been in NY and while my mind was still adjusting, it was like God was saying “Gloria, I’ve got you.” God’s embrace is so warm.  And I’m so thankful to have a God who has been the same since the beginning of time, and will be the same forever.  I’m so thankful that God is the same God regardless of where I am in the world.

Completely random but on a different note: something i’ve really really noticed while living alone.  In the past i’ve sometimes wondered “why get married, why not live alone?”  dude, it’s so boring. LOL.  For a second i imagined my life being like this forever and it made me cringe. it sucks when you’re watching a funny movie but have no one to laugh with, when you’re eating fresh strawberries but have no one to share them with, and most of all, when you have really funny stories but have no one to tell them to.

but back on point and i really. really. mean it.  God is SO good.  and no words man can put to try to describe His goodness does justice.
the strawberries i ate by myself. ahaha. so fresh.

Live It

It hasn’t even been a full year since my high school graduation.  It hasn’t even been a full year since I’ve been college dorm shopping…. It hasn’t even been one full year since I’ve been wondering what college would be like.  It hasn’t even been a full year since i’ve known these new people i met in college.

I cannot believe my first-year is over. and I don’t even know where time went.  Sounds kind of cliche but it literally feels like “dust in the wind.” comes and floats away.  Before I go any further, I’m just going to say that this is going to be an extremely honest entry… speak from my mind, lay it out as it is.

I think back to my first semester and look at the things i’ve been majorly stressing about.  Mostly GPA related… test related… and how i stressed out so, much. i think, “was it even worth it to stress about?” whether you stress or not… you get it over with either way… i took a different approach to my second semester… less stressing and just doing.  Let me tell you, i got MUCH better results.  It reminds me… we weren’t created to worry.

College, an “institution of learning” led me to assume that i would take away a plethora of textbook knowledge.  Boy was a wrong… i found myself questioning and redefining some concepts that i’ve been pretty concrete about my whole life… and if you know me well enough, for me to redefine any concrete thing in myself… it’s pretty “woah”

1.  How much ambition is too much?  What is ambition?  What are some practical dangers of ambition? Throughout my life, I’ve been defined by ambition.  ”I want this, and i’m going to get it.”  In the past, it’s caused me to fail to see the things on the “sideline” b/c i’ve been so focused on going forward and just staring at that one goal. Feeling that emotions are tentative, i just ignored my own and pushed forward with thinking and logics. After my goal was accomplished, i’d check it off my list… and move towards a bigger goal.  This has brought me a lot of good things… being president/some officer of at least 5 organizations in hs, winning some academic competition stuff, getting a valedictorian position in hs graduation, accomplishing some complex piano piece, being capable of running a crap load… I knew what i want, and i was going to get it. I always thought this was good.  It meant that I was willing to do something, and my life wasn’t going to be at some stand-still point.  But in college i got some “face-slappers” about ambition.  How too much can lead to greed… And how too much can lead to be “power-hungry.”  I had to re-look at myself… and think “who/what am i being ambitious for? where is being ambitious really going to lead me character wise?” My parents taught me that you can have everything in the world but if you lack character, you’re nothing. For a moment I was scared.  ”Am i becoming the person that I feared becoming? How do I stop myself?” and as with everything else, the answer lead back to the Cross.  Non-power hungry, self-satisfying ambition is just being driven.  It then leads to this- who/what is driving you?  Do you want to become who you want to be so you could feel better than others/have a sense of accomplishment, or are you doing this for the glory of God?  Allowing greedy ambition to consume you is living a lack of a Christ-centered life.  I had to re-check myself.

2. What is success? For me, this was linked with ambition.  Success is (was) what you get out of your ambition.  Success was what i checked off my mental checklist.  But as with much things, my success out of my ambition was short-lived.  Having a “successful high school life” did not translate into college.  Start from scratch.  Suddenly I wasn’t some recognized face, I wasn’t the “to go to” person for school functions.  I foolishy thought I was something. Only to find out I am nothing.  The only reason I am ever somebody, is because Christ died for me.  Things can change. This never changes. So back to the main question, “what IS success?”  I realized it’s not how many people know you, how much power you have, how much $$ you make… that’s all superficial.  Even some of the “most successful, prominent” figures in American history have fallen.  Let’s look at Cornelius Vanderbilt… the railroad barron.  He basically had more money than was necessary.  The Vanderbilts owned a few mansions on 5th avenue, and then eventually built the glorious  175,000 sq. ft. Biltmore House.  But even the Vanderbilts fell.  Those 5th avenue mansions were swiped away… and Biltmore was only kept for historical significance.  Vanderbilt is the epitome of ” well known, powerful (monetary influence wise), and richer than necessary.”  But even him, would you define him as a success?  My conclusions lead to this-Success is not defined by the world.  Success is faithfully living out what God has planned for you in your life. Success is allowing God to control your life, and take over.  Failure is failing to live the life that God has called you to live. Don’t let the world trick you.  But don’t get me wrong here.  I’m not saying that power, influence, and money are bad things.  It’s only bad/dangerous if you lose your focus on Christ and use it for self-advancement.  Use your gifts and abilities for God.

3. And here. Here’s something i’ll just say briefly. Relationships.  Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. We are created to love and be loved.  Always keep in mind, serve others and don’t be afraid to share/show love.  Even if you don’t get the response you want out of the other person, just keep serving.  Don’t put yourself above anyone, and don’t make a big deal out of yourself.

So here’s the fun stuff. “Memorable First-Year Moments”

1. Many trips to skyline.  It’s always been my dream to stargaze.  It’s just kind of hard to do in nova with the many street lights/ house lights and all.  Going up to a mountaintop to look at stars with people = awesome.

2. Servants sports tournaments.  Okay, i’ll admit it. haha. I’ve had trouble memorizing rules/what i’m supposed to do/how the game goes a lot.  and hopefully i improved at least some what by the end of the playing period, but i’ve had a lot of fun.  Some great memories from weekly practices to intramurals to Servants tournaments.

3. Sleeping on a twin size bed.  I’m not an “active sleeper” but this was hard.

4. I drank OJ with a napkin in it for 160 BUCKS. literally. 160 bucks.  thanks to some people who actually kept my first-year pretty entertaining…

5. Late night game nights.  Whether it was with just the first-years or in xr 16 with a bunch of people, i loved every minute of it.  Even when people tried to kill me off first in mafia =D.  I’m a sucker for group games… and a lot of memories come from them. haha.

6. Humpback hiking trip.  It was fun. morning air.

Memories are good.

So in summary: run your hands through your hair. feel the breeze against your skin. create memories. leave a legacy. appreciate what you have. breathe. relax. God provides.